I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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