why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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