If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize