everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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