He uses pillows to masturbate.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize