You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
