But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
