My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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