I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
