where am i from again
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
