I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
