since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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