Whod you bang
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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