mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Randomize