garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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