Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize