Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
