I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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