he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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