Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
