True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
