I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
