life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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