hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
