I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
