3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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