We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
