My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I need a beard to bite.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
