i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize