he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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