did you get engaged???
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
