Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
