if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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