Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
