Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
