he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
