I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Holy sore nipples Batman
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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