i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
