you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She told me I should be a condom model.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
