remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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