put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize