i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
