She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
