And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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