i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
