I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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