Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
