So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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