And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
