Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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