just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
