do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
