She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
