I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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