Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
