Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
