So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize