so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
