so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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