I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
