Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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