you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
