there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
