Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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