remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
