names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
