Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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