I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
