so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
