i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
