I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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