imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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