so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
