dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
