then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
