Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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