stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
