my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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