Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
