im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
