she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
