i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
