That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
