Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
