he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
