I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
