Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
