Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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